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The last time I posted something must have been more than four months back. This time I decided that it was easier to express myself with my trusty pencil than with words. I’m wondering whether there would be more of such stuff. Given my mercurial nature, I can only hope.
Inspired by http://www.bouletcorp.com/
A few of you must have read my previous posts; a very few of you, I would guess. You must have come across the post about me bashing our very Indian infatuation with anyone who isn’t an Indian. If you remember I wrote about a train journey, in this update I’ll elaborate on that point.
Indian Railways is one of the most extensive rail networks in the world and naturally it occupies a very important part of our lives. It helps us move from point A to point B. And you know, what’s the best part? It’s cheap. This means, it must occupy a VERY important part of our life.
The western railway is run by the most misanthropic specimen of human beings. Especially the guys who arrange my seat numbers. I can assure you, there is some sort of conspiracy against me. For some reason, I always end up with a seat smack in the middle of those surrounded by senior citizen seats.
Its inexplicable and inescapable.
Except once. The only exception in the eight journeys that I have had so far. That is what I have written about.
I stepped into the compartment in Kurla Station, Mumbai (The train was due for Trivandrum). I was one of the first ones to do that, so the whole place was really quiet. I didn’t have to go far to find my seat. It’s one of those seats that no one ever misses. If you have travelled long distance in the Indian railways, and have used its beautiful toilet services then you must have noticed that whenever you enter or leave the AC compartment and step out, there’s a side bunk placed right beside the door, against which you will inevitably crash your door. That too with a loud sound; to the lasting inconvenience of the woe besotted passenger in that particular seat.
I had never really thought about that seat before, but now that I did, the gravity of my situation hit me like a wave. But I am a young man, with the fire of youth in my eyes and ‘Catch-22’ in my hand. I decided to quench my fire on the book. Provided the book is engrossing enough, I believed I could tide through any sort of disturbance.
That was where I was wrong.
Catch-22 is a very different kind of book. It’s a war book, based on the Second World War. Yet, its not about fighting. It’s more psychological, but very subtle. Hiding all the madness behind a façade of dark humour. I was positively intrigued.
And then I snapped out of it. The door was flung ajar, and in walked a family. It wasn’t just any bloody family. It was BIG family. They were followed by their relatives from their maternal side, their paternal side, from left side, from right side and every other side that God deemed uncouth for Man. Loudly, with a lot of excessive laughter and boisterous posturing; they occupied three cabins including the one I was cowering in.
They had lots of kids. Too many for my liking, or for that matter the census taker’s. One of the little bastards decided that he was going to be a pain and loudly occupied my berth. Confining me to the smallest space, he ran amuck on my seat, carefully trampling my precious luggage.
“Chhokra chhe (he’s just a boy)!” an obese woman, who I suspect was the mother, explained. I think she was trying to be apologetic, but I am not sure, because she was affectionately petting that imp on his head.
I threw myself back into the books, hoping that my surroundings would soon disappear and that I would find myself in the grim world of Joseph Heller. But that wasn’t to be. That bas… that kid, snatched the book from my hand, and started dancing around with it. I was aghast. No one would do such a thing to me in my home or even my hostel, because if there’s one thing I expect from this world, which is to leave me alone when I am engrossed in a book.
But this was neither my home nor my hostel. It was a beady eyed brat, grinning like an imp who was dancing with my book held out like bait for me.
I snarled and snatched the book out of his hand. Apparently I intimidated the kid with my lightning fast reflexes (or maybe my face), because the little thing started wailing. Not crying, mind you. Wailing.
“Soo chhe? (What)” the obese woman, towered over me, scowling . All my manly bravado withered away before this massive monument to motherhood. “He took my book…” I whimpered pathetically. “Su chhe, baby (What happened, baby)?” she then asked the kid, in a maternal tone. The little twerp pointed at the book, and mewled something to the effect that he wanted it. “Give it to him for some time.” She said, as if that’s the most reasonable thing uttered since Adam bit the Apple. “What?” I asked, just to be sure.
Soon, I was sitting in the extreme corner of my seat, glaring at the kid, who was fanning himself with MY book. The rest of the people, who were one BIG HAPPY family, were busy singing songs together.
“Pankhiraa tu urirajajo… Pawagarh re!”*
With so much screeching, I was sure that I was going to die. I mean there is nothing wrong with the song. But obviously, there must be reason as to why singing has become a profession. This was definitely going to be my worst railway experience, but what happened next was what would be called a divine intervention by a theist, or the law of averages by an atheist.
An old man, fit to be in a museum, stepped in.
“Arre! Kem chho, Jignesh-bhai? (How are you, Jignesh?)” someone shouted from an upper berth.
“Jignesh bhai! Oh, dekh ne, Jignesh bhai!(Look, its Jignesh!)” recognition dawned on the rest.
“ Tame kem chho? Majama chhe, ne? (How are you? Are you okay?)”
And they cackled back and forth.
I was relieved that the noise had stopped, that opened up a lot of opportunities. So I did a favour to myself and dozed off in a while.
At length, I was woken up unceremoniously. It was the same fat woman. But uncharacteristically she was smiling at me and in her hand there was an open sweet box. “Chahiye (Want one)?” she asked me. Sensing something afoot, I declined.
For a moment she was taken aback, probably wondering how a person could refuse an open box of sweet. Then she composed herself and pointed at the old man, who had just walked in. “You see, Jignesh bhai there, na?” she said.
“Well you see,” she continued in her most reasonable voice, “Jignesh bhai is very old. And he is three compartments away so we were wondering whether you ….”
I had got the gist as well as an escape route.
I imperiously snatched the book out of the little monkey’s hand and readied my luggage. “Thank you, beta. Bhagwaan tumhara bhala kare (May God bless you)!” she said, wearing her most genial fake smile, reminding me of a toad while she was at it. To say the truth, I was glad to exchange places with the old man. Couldn’t wait to get away from the place. And seeing the relief on the faces of my co-passengers, I could see that they were glad too.
I muttered savagely as I dragged my overfilled suitcase through moving compartments, all the while tripping everyone all over my luggage. Three compartment away was no joke. I was totally exhausted by the time I reached the place.
In the meantime, I realized that I would rather travel surrounded by old people, than with family that wasn’t mine. At least the elders gave me enough room to exist. That and the silence. If you want peace of mind, then travel around old people take that from me (an experienced traveler in my own right). They may occasionally get curious and ask personal questions, but if you can deflect that, the journey will be as smooth as butter.
I stumbled into the section and was annoyed to see the two part curtain drawn fast together. I dropped my luggage in an attempt to do the curtains apart, the whole time cursing the elders’ need for privacy. What exactly would they be doing behind curtains anyways? I rolled my now eyes as the curtains came apart.
I nearly fell face down.
Five of the six berths were occupied by beautiful girls. Two of them in the lower berths were fast asleep. One in the middle berth was softly head banging to some loud Indie pop music. The other one in the middle berth was busy messaging on her phone. The one in upper berth was busy reading a book.
I could have cried with joy, if it wasn’t considered lame given the scenario. This was heaven!
I had been standing and staring for quite some time, and they were looking at me curiously. “I ..uh.. I ..the upper berth is mine.” I said, feeling like an idiot. The girl who was listening to Indie pop asked, “What’s your seat number?”
“43…wait, that was the old one….uhh…15 ..no, 16!” I said.
The girl on the upper berth sat up and said, “Then that would be…..” she looked around thinking.
“The one you are sitting on.” I said, feeling like drowning in a pool of embarrassment.
“Oh right.” She said, and leaped over to the other berth.
I scrambled over my berth and for some time I just stayed like that. I felt highly self conscious, aware even of the hair moving on my hands. There was no sound except that of the all girl band playing something about ‘all revolution – girl style’. The lone guy in a girl bastion.
When the inactivity became too stifling and obvious, I decided that the world of Joseph Heller would be much more accommodating for me. So I started flipping through the pages of Catch-22 and quite soon I was lost.
It was some three hours when I realized I was parched. So I called out to the railway attendant who was hawking cold drinks. But the man with imperial high handedness disregarded me and walked away. Cursing the man and my luck, I wondered when that guy would backtrack and I get a precious water bottle.
“You want some water?” the ‘book girl’ said, offering her water. She was a pretty girl, and difficult to say no to.
I gallantly refused, but then considered it and took it anyways. I took a gulp and returned it to her. But she said it was okay.
I twiddled around with the bottle cap wondering what to say next.
“So,” I said, trying to start a conversation, “may I see, what book are you reading?”
“Sure.” She said, smiling.
I took the book ….and nearly dropped it. It was a black book, and on its cover it proclaimed, “New Moon by Stephanie Meyer”. The girl beamed at me.
“Nice…” I said, I heard the book is pretty decent. I wasn’t lying but that wasn’t the whole truth.
“Really?” she said incredulously, “This is the first book I am reading.”
“Umm..but isn’t this …like… not the first book?” I asked.
“Nope,” she said excitedly, “but I just saw the movie and I was like wow!”
A little bit of me died inside.
“Oh….” I said. My hand was clammy with sweat.
“Have you seen the movie?” she asked, smiling broadly.
“No.” I replied delicately.
“You should watch it.” She said with finality. “The movie is just awesome. I was like totally in love with the guy who played Edward…what was his name..?” she wondered.
“Robert …Pattinson I believe…” I said in a hushed voice, wishing I hadn’t.
“Oh yeah that.” She said, “Have you seen the movie?” her tone betrayed her suspicion.
“No!” I said quickly. “No….”
“Whatever,” she continued, she said tucking her pwetty hair behind her pwetty ears, “the movie was awesome, the actors
were great! The movie was fabulous yaar. So much mature than Harry Potter or Lord of Rings. Epic romance, yaar.”
I wanted to run. I absolutely had to preserve my sanity.
“’The’ … ‘the rings’.” I tried to correct.
“What?” she asked.
“Never mind.” I said. “Edward, the shining vampire.” I added snidely.
“Yeah,” she said, unaware of the sarcasm. “Totally awesome guy. You into vampire books?” she beamed.
I debated with myself whether I should tell her something about Anne Rice, but then thought otherwise. She wouldn’t know anyways. And I was tired and my head was throbbing. I had enough of shining vampires and over extended families for a lifetime.
I excused myself and proceeded towards an extended nap. I needed it. There is no trouble big enough that you couldn’t sleep through. But that was going to be difficult since someone was playing a Riot grrl band and the screams of “Double dare ya…triple fuckin’ dare ya..!” was now getting to my head.
* the translation is something like: ‘The bird flying over Pawagarh….’ and so on. It’s a beautiful folk song FYI.
PS:I didn’t make the poster below, but thought it nicely summed up what i was thinking.
The class room seemed like new-age stuff, what with air conditioners and all, sitting places arranged like a Greek theatre, the place seemed more like a mini-concert hall than a class. I sat on one of the revolving chairs meant for the students, staring at the paper that I held in front of my face. I wasn’t reading it though; I was using the paper as a cover to steal glances at the beautiful girl with waist-length hair who sat somewhere in front. I closed my eyes for a bit. The slow breeze from the air conditioner had a soporific quality about it, which I enjoyed.
The class room was filled with people who were busy scratching away at their respective question papers, the same version of which so uselessly was held in front of my face. My partner (who does not wish to be named and who was sitting beside me the whole time) asked me what I thought about the paper. Not sure about what to reply, I felt its texture for a bit and finally looked at its contents.
The title said ‘Wordly Pleasures’ and its opening lines was a verse from the Bible. “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1 “. In the meantime my partner, a good catholic, was getting very restless due to my inactivity. So since he did not wish to be named, for all practical purpose, let us call him ‘John’ as an ode to the good verse.
Its cultural festival time! Nearly every half decent college in India arranges for its cultural festival around January and December. Indian Institute of Management of Kozhikode, which is among the top 5 business schools of the country, is no different. Thus Echoes ’11 was organized. Cultural festivals are one of the most important ways to buy some precious ‘limelight’ for your university, hence these festivals are brutishly marketed and advertised. Since we are talking about an IIM, this is even more true.
I did not wish to go the IIM at first, planning to devote the entire weekend to textbook-worshipping. But when ‘John’ came to me looking for a partner for Word Games in IIM, I thought it was a good opportunity for me to make my mark in an institute of some standing. After all, John is quite a prodigy with words and to pair up with him would enhance my chances hundred-fold. So off we go to IIM.
Me , John, Stein (my roommate) and Joel (a venerable senior) hitched a bus ride from our college to the IIM gate. I walked to the checkpost and was waiting for Joel to catch up, but then Joel went and hired an auto. Hired an auto?! I thought. We were there, right at the gate, why would we need an auto? But Joel was right. Even with an auto-rickshaw it took us a good twenty minutes and we were going uphill.
When I first stepped into IIM-K, I thought we were in a hill resort. I was so used to the forced severity of buildings in educational institutes, that I couldn’t believe that IIM actually tried to create a college and ended up with what looked more like a plush hotel. You can get a 360 degree view of the entire Calicut region from various spots in the college. And they were indeed breath-taking. After staying in NITC for one and a half-year, I did not believe that Calicut could look so good.
And then we walked into the registration desk which was being manned (…er… womanned?) by the prettiest girls IIM-K could muster. Joel, a vigorous participant in all IIM events, was well known and all the girls gave him the … well ….“full heat” of their hospitality. No offense to the girls in NITC, but spending half a year at my college could leave your eyes thirsty, if you catch my drift. ( I mean no offense, I am sure girls have some choice adjectives for the boys in engineering colleges as well.) One of the girls in-charge of registration asked me, “okay, so now that you have given me your names, I will need a team name.” “We need a team name?” I asked, caught off-guard. “Yes.” the girl replied with the sweetest of fake-smiles, which was laced with write-it-or-go-back-to the-end-of-the-queue. So like Steve Jobs, I put down the first thing that came to my mind, which was the name of the breakfast I had eaten a while back – ‘Scrambled Eggs’.
I doodled something completely random at the edge of my sheet. John, in the meantime, was explaining to me the nuances of the word ‘decoupage’. I was not listening, rather I was appraising the vivacious tamil youngster who was my partner. Stealing a quick glance at the pretty-girl-with-cascading-hair who was sitting-somewhere-ahead, I wondered whether there was any chance I could have replaced John with that girl. The thought brought with it a wave of hopelessness, yielding to which I sighed aloud. John, mistaking my sigh for a grunt of approval, quickly wrote down D-E-C-O-U-P-A-G-E on the answer sheet.
To say the truth, we were getting nowhere in the word game competition. John was busy smashing his head on the paper, when I decided to use unconventional means. Stein and Joel were a team, and they were sitting on our right. For the record, Stein is a complete hoe when it came to vocabulary, and Joel is a monster when it comes to word puzzles, together they made a great team (they match each other, even in the height department). So I strain my neck and eyes trying to catch a glimpse of their answer sheet. All I could see was one big jungle of solutions, of which I could make no sense. Disheartened I retreat back to our own answer page, which was rather white. We struggled all over the question paper through the entirety of an hour allotted for it, interspersed with John’s usual comments which went along the lines of “Okay, Goswami, we are f*@^#d.” Unfortunately, John was right all along.
When the answers were discussed by the organisers, me and John found ourselves with both our head under the desk, trying to drown out all those “Hell Yes!! Another correct answer!” and “I told you that was the answer!”. We reconciled ourselves with probably the last position.
Then there was scrabble. Neither me nor John had any clue about scrabble rules. We participated anyways, and deduced the rules while we were at it. John came up with words whose origin I could never guess, but which would never work. For example, he said “Hechsher!” and then would go, “wait, we don’t have a ‘c’.” I would help by pointing out that we don’t have an ‘r’ either. He never did say ‘Hechsher’, rather a word that I don’t remember, mind you. At length, the girl hosting the event announced time up. We go into a flurry of scrabble solving and settle for words like ‘And’, ‘what’ et cetra. John suddenly looks up at me and says, “ Listen Goswami, times up, but the collector hasn’t come here yet, we should think up better ….” He is cut short by a tall, imposing IIM-K senior staring down at us. At that moment time seemed to have stopped. Me and John staring at the senior and the senior staring at us with a bored expression. “Oh f*@^#,” says John and pleads, “please give us FIVE minutes, why don’t you come to us last?” The senior replies dispassionately, “You ARE the last.” It was the first time I had seen John plead, no doubt he failed, he should really work on it.
Needless to say, Stein and Joel had had a ball of a time. They got the maximum scores in nearly everything in the scrabble that and the two even qualified into the next round. And thus was closure brought down upon Scrambled Eggs.
End of Present
IIM-K had been a great experience. It was the first time I had seen a college which actually looks good. Looking at the structure itself would influence anyone into taking a shot at CAT. The students are great (and some of them R-E-A-L-L-Y pretty too), the professors are great (one of them judged the debate) and the canteen is great too. It actually served ‘food’. If you eat in an NITC mess, your definition of ‘food’ would change. I don’t know about the other IIMs, but students should definitely visit IIM-K.
Yup, I am back, back from Silence, back from the dead yadda yadda..whatever. Last few months have been rather unproductive (as far as the blog is concerned), as you people have well noticed. That would be as much due to the myriads of exams that came my way (and my net going down) as my chronic lethargy. There was a vacation thrown in somewhere in the middle, but I wasn’t home and was definitely nowhere near internet.
Whatever, past is past, now back to the future. I am back to my College, and am hence close to unlimited sources of gossip, stories, wild imagination et cetra (though with only limited time, but hey, that’s still something). So now what? Expect more sketches (hopefully), more Rambling (definitely) and some Reviews thrown in the mix. This time, I promise, I shall be upto no good.
This is the story of one of my room-mates. . Its more like a deep insight rather than any story though. Since he did not wish to be named, let us call him Jack.
To put it simply, you don’t measure Jack’s height or weight. You measure him not in kilograms or meters, but rather in newtons. That’s because Jack is less a person than a force of nature. While he is solving puzzles and riddles in a blink, or hooking up with some random girl,or playing DOTA on the eve of the exams, or master-locking the shit out of someone bigger than him …or even while being able to find a clean toilet every single darn time, Jack … is a force.
He is an idea, something like Chuck Norris. If there is something you can’t do, Jack can. Want to beat money out of Angshuman ( who is a rather big guy) ? Call Jack. Want someone who’ll do your assignments for you in the name of friendship? Call Jack. Want someone to play DOTA with before the exam? Call Jack. Want to rape the funniest joke you have ever heard? Call Jack. Jack is the best friend a guy can possibly have. He wouldn’t even mind baby-sitting you and listen to your pointless whinng. If you want, he will follow you to the depths of hell, master-lock Satan and force him to lend you some money while he is at it. Needless to say, but he is probably the most popular guy in the college. Every other guy is a friend of his. So we go like, “Jack, who is that?” Then Jack will say,” Oh that? That’s a friend of mine …what was his name again?”
His intellectual capacity is humongous. He is at his element when solving puzzles, whether word puzzles or mathematical ones. I remember there being a puzzle which me and Stein were brain-storming over for hours. Jack walks in, sees the riddle, solves it and walks out, leaving us to doubt our IQ level. He doesn’t limit himself to his books, but broods over deeper mysteries of the world.
In the world of Philosophy, Jack is the new age Osho. Like a sage, you can find Jack sitting with his blanket wrapped around him, dishing out predictions. For example-“ We will get our LAN connection on Friday.” “We will not have any exams this week.” “ there is no homework for tomorrow.” and such. How many of them come out to be true are a matter of debate. Yet, with the air of a mendicant about him, if someone has achieved nirvana, its him.
Jack brooding over deeper mysteries of the Universe
PS: I declare this post as largely fictional, seeing that my life is in a danger…